Pub date: available now

'I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law' - David Dinkins, former New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

From 'the wrong sort of snow' to 'the dog ate it' via 'i fell on the vacuum' – how anyone thought they could get away with these howlers is a complete mystery. The Little Book of Crap Excuses is a hilarious collection of pointless prevarication, walloping white lies and appalling apologies.