I have news for Madonna, who�s been climbing out of her pram concerning the biography Andrew Morton is currently working on.
My chum Andrew has just had a busy, successful week interviewing various friends and acquaintances of the diva in New York, and he�s now about to settle down to write the tome which will indeed be a warts-and-all account of Madge�s life.
The singing sensation has been trying to "encourage" Superman, as Morton is known, not to proceed with this latest "oeuvre". Apparently Madonna has even delivered a book on Buddhism to him, via his publisher Michael O�Mara, with a note saying: "This will make you a better person."
Good grief. As Princess Anne might say: "What planet is she living on?"
Can it be true that this undoubtedly talented artiste, who is in the UK this week to continue her Drowned World tour, is appealing to Morton�s better nature?
If so, I suggest she�s whistling down a long, dank corridor. For goodness sake, the lad was trained by me (the sorcerer and his apprentice) and is as hard as nails. Additionally, when you�ve done the sort of books that Soops has already delivered on Diana, Princess of�, Posh and Becks and then Monica Lewinsky, your skin tends to get thicker with each passing week.
The situation, as I write, is this. Madonna has ordered her "inner circle" of friends not to talk to Morton about any aspect of her tumultuous life.
Many appear not to have listened. Unlike this country where anybody who is a success is "put away", Americans just love achievers. And this is how Morton is viewed.
Doors open for him. In recent months a number of key people in the singer�s life have been seen � and talked to. Several more have made their own contributions this very week.
Sorry Madge, but that�s the way the cookie has crumbled. Certainly, the former journo, now full-time author, is reasonably pleased with his endeavours.
He tells me: "I have some terrific new material and it�s all going swimmingly. She is quite a girl."
Now Andrew has to buckle down and write. The book has to be finished by the end of August so that it can go on sale in time for Christmas. Morton is inevitably a controversial writer but he is an assiduous networker and compiler of fascinating facts, whether his subject approves or not.
There were legal problems, which involved court judgements, in connection with his book on Posh and Becks. Expect more of the same with this latest biography.
Madonna fears the worst. She believes that Morton will try to get every last dirty detail on her life which, unsurprisingly, she finds intolerable.
This despite the pop star creating so much excitement among us punters by leading such a spectacular personal life-style.
What fun it all is.