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School Rules
Tim Collins
1-84317-100-7
• PB • £4.99 • 144x111mm • 128pp
PUB DATE 12.5.05
When we start school we're told the rules: no running
in the corridors, no chewing gum in class, and always raise your hand
before answering
a question.The rules we really follow are very different: never tell
anyone it's your birthday, in case the big kids flush your head down
the
toilet; always draw willies, tits, and Hitler moustaches on your textbooks
and
never, under any circumstances, get caught reading a book instead
of playing British Bulldog at lunchtime.
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Speak Well English
Tomas Santos
1-84317-088-4 • £5.99
• PB • 144x111mm • 160pp • Published: 1 September 2023 •
Rights available: World All Languages
‘At
what clock must I evacuate myself?’
The
essential phrasebook for all would-be English speakers - a
blisteringly hilarious celebration of incomprehension, misunderstanding
and mistranslation.
With entries covering travel, health, shopping,
music, art, among a host of wide-ranging themes, Speak Well English includes a multitude of fascinating, yet useless, phrases compiled
by a well-meaning
novice of the English language.
‘I have suffering of my hip’s
juncture.’
Despite
being cursed with a profound ignorance of his subject, Tomas
Santos is also blessed with a gift for the inspired guess and
is always passionate in his efforts to help fellow foreigners.
The final words
should go to the great man himself: ‘Cheerio
to your good health, and up your bottoms!’
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The
Jordan Joke Book
A. C. Parfitt
1-84317-120-1 • £4.99 • PB • 178 x 111mm • 128pp • Published:
22 September 2023 • Rights available: World
All Languages
Hundreds
of brilliant jokes about Britain’s
favourite dumb blonde from the author of the bestselling David Beckham
Joke Book.
She’s the glamour model whose fame reached new
heights on TV’s
jungle-survival game show I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of
Here! and who then became a bestselling author with her autobiography
Being
Jordan. Suddenly Jordan was on everyone’s lips . . . and
the jokes started flying thick and fast.
Jordan
goes to the dry-cleaner’s
with her favourite leopardskin body suit.
‘There’s a bit of a stain on it,’ she tells the guy behind
the counter.
Unfortunately the shopkeeper is slightly deaf. ‘Come again?’ he says. ‘No,’ replies
Jordan. ‘Just tomato ketchup this time.’
Jordan and Peter Andre are getting hot and steamy in
the bedroom.
‘Shouldn’t you be taking some precautions?’ asks Jordan.
‘I am,’ says Peter. ‘I’ve strapped a plank to my arse so I don’t
fall in.’
Guaranteed to raise a titter every time!
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Thomas’s
Joke Book
Sarah Kennedy
1-84317-117-1 • £5.99 • PB • 198
x 129mm • 160pp • Published: 4 October 2023 • Rights
available: World All Languages
Five
million Dawn Patrol listeners heard Sarah Kennedy appeal for jokes
and stories - this
is their response!
When
little Thomas, aged three and a half, heard ‘his’ joke
being read out by Sarah Kennedy on her breakfast show, he was outraged: ‘Mummy,
Sarah’s stolen my joke!’ When Sarah heard about this,
she offered to make amends, asking her listeners to send in their
own jokes
and stories so that she could collect them for Thomas. And they
did - in
their thousands. Thomas’s Joke Book is the result - hundreds
of funny, silly, naughty and charming jokes and true stories about
children, in the bestselling tradition of The Terrible Twos.
A 5%
royalty on every copy sold will be donated to the NSPCC.
TV presenter
and radio broadcaster Sarah Kennedy has her own weekday breakfast show
on BBC Radio 2 from 6.00 to 7.30 a.m. Sarah has
written the bestselling books The Terrible Twos, Terrible
Pets and Cats,
as well as a novel, Charlotte’s Friends.
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Blagging It
Paul Nero and James Moore
1-84317-104-X •
£5.99 • PB • 198 x 129mm • 144pp • Published: 4 October 2023 •
Rights available: UK and Commonwealth inc. Canada •
Other rights: Robert Smith Literary Agency
Hundreds of excellent tips on
how to get something for nothing!
Blagging
It is a hilarious guide that proves the best things in life can be
had for
free - or nearly
free. From shopping to sex, this scrounger’s bible is packed
with tips for the cheapskate in us all. Blagging It explains how to:
hold
your wedding on the cheap; cadge
a free pint; profit from your baby; haggle in a department store;
and blag your way into executive parties. Packed full of diamond scams,
it’s
the perfect guide for the schemer in us all.
Blagging
It . . . because
there is such a thing as a free lunch.
Paul
Nero is the founding director
of a copywriting agency. He is a Yorkshireman and, therefore, by definition,
a miser. James Moore is a journalist who has blagged his way across a
thousand doorsteps in his time.
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Shite's
Unoriginal Miscellany
A. Parody
1-84317-064-7 • £9.99 • hb • 198x129mm • 162pp • 2003
Extensively
researched, bizarrely ordered and irresponsibly written, this handbook
of priceless, fascinating information combines humour
and knowledge in a recipe for instant laughter.
Over 100,000 copies
sold!
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Rock and Pop Elevens
Simon Trewin, Tom Bromley and Michael
Moran
1-84317-112-0 • £9.99 • PB • 231x153mm • 192pp • Published:
25 October 2022 • Rights available: UK and Commonwealth inc. Canada • Other
rights: PFD
Remarkable,
funny, fantastic and downright stupid facts and stories from
the world of music.
In the seminal ‘rockumentary’ This
Is Spinal Tap, the band’s
amplifiers had volume controls that ‘went up to eleven’,
because ten just wasn’t loud enough. Let’s face it,
top tens are so last year - elevens are where it’s
at. So Rock and Pop Elevens includes lists like the eleven biggest
weight gains/losses
from Boy George to Elvis; eleven albums the artists would like
to forget; eleven lost weekends featuring hellraisers such as Ozzy
Osbourne and
Keith Richards; eleven urban myths we wish were true; eleven sex
scandals we wish weren’t; and the best eleven singles that
only reached number eleven in the charts.
The cool Christmas alternative
to the Guinness World Records: British Hit
Singles and Albums.
The authors (only three, not eleven) are Simon
Trewin,
a literary agent and columnist, Tom Bromley, a novelist and author
of a
book on one-hit
wonders and Michael Moran, a journalist on Mojo and Q.
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Power Mad!
Karl Shaw
1-84317-106-6 • £5.99 • PB • 198x129mm • 160pp • Published:
4 October 2023 • Rights available: World All Languages excluding
Czech Republic
Astonishing authentic stories of world leaders
who were power mad, money
mad - or just plain mad!
Power
Mad! chronicles
the outrageous plans and policies of the world’s
most demented dictators, from Chairman Mao banning The Sound
of Music as ‘a blatant example of capitalist pornography’ to ‘Papa
Doc’ Duvalier rewriting the Lord’s Prayer for compulsory
use in Haitian schools - ‘Our Doc, who art in the National
Palace for life . . .’ Read about Paraguay’s hopeless
three-front war, launched by a leader in the grip of a Napoleonic
delusion, and the
Equatorial Guinean leader who once initiated a Cabinet reshuffle
by clubbing his Foreign Minister to death. Extremely funny, if at
times utterly horrifying,
Power Mad! proves that absolute power doesn’t just corrupt - it
can drive you totally bonkers.
Includes
barely believable stories about Idi Amin, Nicolae Ceausescu, Adolf
Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Chairman Mao, Josef Stalin, and many
more!
Karl
Shaw is the author of a number of highly successful humour books including
Royal Babylon, Gross! and The Mammoth Book of
Tasteless Lists.
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Born for the Job
James Steen and Dominic Midgley
1-84317-099-X
• £5.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp • Rights
available:
World All Languages
A Collection of Amusingly Apt Names
This
book is based on the popular ‘Born for the Job’ feature
published in the Daily Mirror’s ‘Scurra’ column,
to which readers
send in examples of those people who have, either by design or
accident, ended up in jobs that ideally suit their names. There’s
a
plumber called Dave Tapp, Mr Bone the butcher and a GP with
whom you might not want an appointment - Doctor Coffin . . .
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Laughable Latin
Lesley O’Mara
and Rose Williams
1-84317-097-3
• £4.99 • PB • 198 x 129mm • 128pp •
Rights available: World excluding USA and Finland
Witty Latin Phrases
For All Occasions
A humorous guide to conversing in Latin with over
450 laughable
phrases to choose from including: Veni, vidi, voravi - I came,
I saw,
I ate it all; Veni, vidi, verti - I came, I saw, I fled;
and Esne
ebrius iterum? - Are you drunk again?
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The
World’s
Stupidest Headlines
Lois Kent
ISBN
1-84317-105-8 • £4.99 • PB • 178
x 111mm • 128pp • 2004
STOLEN PAINTING FOUND BY TREE
RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE
PASSENGERS HIT BY CANCELLED
TRAINS
We all know that
newspaper editors have to work against the clock to meet their deadlines
and get their papers on to the presses,
but sometimes they might be advised to pause and re-read that headline
just one more
time. On the other hand, that could mean denying readers
the
joy
of stumbling across howlers such as ‘Astronaut Takes Blame
For Gas In Spacecraft’ or ‘Man
Is Fatally Murdered’. Brilliantly funny, The World’s
Stupidest Headlines features over 300 examples of the most
ludicrous headlines
ever printed.
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The
World’s
Stupidest Last Words
Chris Maynard and
Rhian Mckay
1-84317-021-3
• £4.99 • PB • 178 x 111mm • 128pp
• Rights available: World excluding Japan
People say
the stupidest things, especially, it would seem, when they’ve
no time to make up for it by saying something sensible. This collection
features scores of last gasps including, ‘Either this wallpaper
goes or I do’ (Oscar Wilde), ‘Well, gentlemen, you are
about to see a baked Appel’ (George Appel, sitting in the electric
chair), and ‘Die, my dear doctor? That’s the last thing
I shall do’ (Lord Palmerston).
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The
World’s
Stupidest Instructions
Bryony Evens
1-84317-078-7
• £4.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp
• Rights available:
World All Languages
Whether they
transpired as the result of inaccurate translation or sheer stupidity,
this collection of real product instructions
will
leave you
amused, bemused and baffled. On a tub of ice cream - ‘Caution:
ice cream is cold.’ On a bathroom heater - ‘This
product is not to be used in bathrooms.’ On a bottle of rum - ‘Open
bottle before drinking.’ On a microwave oven - ‘Do
not use for drying pets.’
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The
World’s
Stupidest Sporting Screw-Ups
Andrew John
and Stephen Blake
1-84317-039-6
• £4.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp • Rights
available: World All Languages
Ever been chased
by a stray dog during a marathon, or missed the start of a race due
to an ill-advised toilet
break? Maybe you’ve punched the referee during a boxing match
or been knocked out of a rally by an anteater?
If you haven’t, here’s where to read
about those who have!
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The
World’s
Stupidest Inventions
Adam Hart-Davis
1-84317-036-1 • £3.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp
An hilarious compilation of some of the most pointless
and dangerously stupid inventions ever created. Not so much Eureka as
Eurekaaargh!
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The
World’s
Stupidest Laws
David Crombie
1-85479-549-X • £3.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp • 2003
A
collection of ridiculous regulations, silly statutes and barmy by-laws
from different cities, states and countries across our legally
challenged globe.
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The
World’s Stupidest Signs
1-85479-555-4 • £3.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp • 2000
The
world’s stupidest signs, gathered from offices, hotels, shops,
church notices, restaurants, safari parks, packaging… and they’re
all real!
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More
of World’s Stupidest Signs
1-84317-032-9 • £4.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp • 2003
There
were too many silly instructions, bizarre translations, ludicrous
announcements and ridiculous memos for the first volume, so we had
to bring out another!
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The
World’s
Stupidest Chat-Up Lines
1-84317-019-1 • £4.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp • 2004
Packed
with outrageous comments and classic opening lines, this book is
a tribute to the most ridiculous and hilarious come-ons ever uttered.
They may be stupid, they may be corny, they may be sleazy - but
then again, they may just work...
‘Hey,
all those curves and me with no brakes!’
‘Do
you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?’
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The Ultimate Insult
Compiled by Maria Leach
1-85479-288-1 • £5.99 • PB • 198x129mm • 248pp • 2002
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Cricket - It’s
A Funny Old Game
Comical comments
from the world of cricket
Stephen
Blake and Andrew John
1-84317-090-6 • £4.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp • 2004
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Football - It’s
A Funny Old Game
Hilarious observations
on the beautiful game
Stephen
Blake and Andrew John
1-84317-091-4 • £4.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp • 2
June 2004
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All Men Are Bastards
Myra Venge
1-85479-387-X • £
3.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp
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The Book of Urban Legends
Robin Reeve
1-85479-932-0 • £3.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp
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The Complete Book of Farting
Alec Bromcie
1-85479-440-X • £4.99 • PB • 144x111mm • 160pp
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Sporting Slip-ups and Goalmouth Gaffes
Stephen Blake and Andrew
John
1-85479-858-8 • £8.99 • HB • 198x129mm • 180pp
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The Stupidest Things Ever Said
Ross and Kathryn Petras
1-85479-349-7 • £3.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp
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The Ultimate Book of Farting
Alec Bromcie
1-85479-596-1 • £5.99 • HB • 135x135mm • 96pp
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Wicked Cockney Rhyming Slang
Betty Kirkpatrick
1-85479-386-1 • £3.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp
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Wicked Geordie English
Diana Briscoe
1-85479-342-X • £3.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp • 2003
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Wicked Scouse English
Diana Briscoe
1-84317-006-X • £3.99 • PB • 178x111mm • 128pp • 2003
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Youth is Wasted on the Young
1-84317-048-5 • £8.99 • HB • 198x129mm • 180pp • 2003
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